Saturday, May 3, 2014

Unlocking Freedom

"Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to - alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person - you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain."
 
- Eckhart Tolle 

Confession - I am a mess sometimes. Through my mess - there is a message.  But here’s what’s so cool – when you let those parts out, things can change.

 

That shame can turn into beauty and self-love.


"When you know better, you do better and when you choose to do better we rise unto our best selves". 


When you let go and admit it, accept that you have moments of being a mess and than you share that feeling of feeling unworthy at times with the rest of us, then you can step into a larger, freer life.

"A real decision is measured by the fact that you've taken a new action. If there's no action, you haven't truly decided." - Tony Robbins 

And when we make that kind of choice, our bodies feel different.  Our nervous system responds. Our adrenaline glands begin to fire.

 

Some part of us know that the choice we’ve just made has truly, fully and unequivocally put our butts on the line.

 

When we’ve made that choice that deep down we know we should have made a thousands times before, but we chickened out. That choice that comes deep from the belly of our soul, that no matter what the outside worlds says, does or think, we know inside that it’s the right choice.


A choice that produces a high level of uncertainty, anxiety and excitement (all at once).


This choice will bring us to the edge of our faith. Test our ability to believe in ourselves and make us think from time to time we were crazy.

 

But in the end, we will see that this choice was a choice for freedom. The truth will set you free and when we look back on this choice at the end of our lives, we will be happy that we made it.


As always be honest with yourself. And remember you can't get to courage without going through vulnerability. 

 


Monday, March 17, 2014

Living Fearlessly


Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity.  And a lot of us are operating out of insanity aka "fear".
Fear stops us from taking action and I believe that gratitude is the antidote. You can not be grateful and fearful simultaneously. Gratitude is really the reset button,  the cleanser of the soul. Wnen your grateful its no longer about me or you it's about giving thanks; and when you give thanks, youn disappear and connect to the Devine.


Gratitude is the spiritual practice that strengthens are faith. I'm talking about a powerful faith in God's unconditional, unlimited, unwavering, perfect love for us. Faith is the knowledge and continual expression of gratitude.

First John 4:18 teaches that understanding God's love for us will deliver us from our fears. Now this doesn't mean we won't ever feel fear, but faith in God and His love will enable us to 'do it afraid' if we have to.
God wants you to know that He is with you. He will lead and guide you, so you can put your confidence and faith in Him!


Remember, His love is perfect, even when we aren't. He isn't going to love us any more or less because of our mistakes. Isn't it good to know that God loves you right where you are? Doesn't that thought just kind of boost your faith and take your fear down a notch?


Mistakes are our greatest teachers in life. In each mistake that we make there is a lesson to learn. Be grateful for the mistakes. As Maya Angealou says "when you know better you do better; And when you choose to do better we rise unto our best selves". We shouldn't still not be making the same mistakes that we made in our thirties that we made in our twenties. Each day that given is new opportunity to try something new. When you are comfortable that means you are not growing and operating out fear.

Ask yourself the following questions.

1. What is the story you are telling yourself right now? What self-limiting beliefs(like, "im not good with money" or "im not creative")?

2. Write about a recent happy moment.

3. Write down three things that you are grateful for.

4. How do you define success?

5 . Where in your life do you feel stuck? What is the small action you can take to change? Then what massive action-an exponentially bigger step-can you take?

6. How many times today did you say, "I can't? How many times did you say "Sure! I can do that!" Or "I don't see why not!"?

7. Think of something you've always wanted to do, and break it down into the teeny tiniest little steps you can imagine.  Thenn cut those in half. Write the steps down. Then take one. And another......  


As always be honest with yourself and remember you can't get to courage without going through vulnerability.


      #getinspired #gratitude 



Thursday, March 13, 2014

Courage through vulnerability

We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.

Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.

Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
― BrenĂ© Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

You can't get to courage without being vulnerable..... Allow yourself to be vulnerable why? Because we put up walls to protect ourselves from hurt but these same walls prevent us from healing. These walls come in many different forms such as being a workaholic, sex, drugs, alcohol, partying, overeating, etc.

These walls prevent us from connecting to the Devine and forming connections with people that can help us through the healing process. In the words of President Reagan "Tear this wall down".

Throughout our lives, many of us will face circumstances that seem unfair, painful and traumatic. And, in the moment, that is true.

WE MUST LEARN TO LOVE TRUTH!

Otherwise we leave the door of deception open for the enemy to take what is meant to be yours. Some people have a difficult time facing the truth and reality. They prefer to live in a make believe world, pretending that certain things aren't happening. But we cannot deny the existence of problems or act as they are not real. Life is real, people are real, and pain is real.

And from what I have learned from church, Oprah's lifeclass,  the word of God, therapy, and from just being a counselor is that we must allow ourselves to feel the pain. Then deal and then we can begin to heal. In order to feel we must accept and be honest with ourselves.


Acceptance is something that you do. It is an active process that involves a willingness to experience thoughts, feelings, and emotions without denial or evasion. This is the vulnerability I am talking about.

A lack of self acceptance involves a willingness to experience these thoughts,feelings,and emotions thereby leading to a rejection of the self.  Self acceptance therefore means to honestly accept the facts of your reality, rather than trying to deny, disown, or repress the things you don't like about yourself or your life.

A person who lacks who lacks self acceptance would automatically try to you repress, deny those feelings disassociating themselves from the reality of how they feel. And the consequence this would most likely Manafest itself in the form of anger tension frustration self doubts substance abuse depression and other problem. Self acceptance don't mean necessarily liking are enjoying but rather it means accepting the true reality of the situation.

Be real with yourself! Choose vulnerability.

If you can acknowledge and accept what you are feeling, you can then take the  necessary and appropriate action to move forward.  And once you begin to deal and problem solve you can start the healing process. The Healing process may not be instant for some. It takes time for a wound to heal. just like it takes time to recover from heart surgery.

The first step to moving forward is to accept where and who you are now. And to remember we are more than our circumstances.

The second step is forgivness. The only thing that makes you feel more vulnerable than being hurt is forgiving. But it's not a bad thing.

Vulnerability makes us step outside of our comfort zone and accept that we are not unbreakable.  It makes us accept that we aren’t as strong as we might think.  It makes us looks past people mistakes and faults. Accept their broken selves because we're broken too.
Vulnerability makes us depend on our higher power to pick us up and soften our hearts to forgive.

But as we grow and evolve, we get to see that once we accept what happened, we now have the power of choice to be able to redefine the meaning of the event.

Was it GRACE or was it a disaster?  Was is the worst thing that happened to you or was it an amazing lesson?

Was it a tragedy or an opportunity for you to be able to see how Loving You can be?

Was it a dark chapter in your life or was it that the events had to happen in order for you to discover your Light?

We can accept and eventually rise above our circumstances because we realize at our essence we are a Soul that is unlimited and that we have the power to CHOOSE how we are going to respond, interpret and live our lives.

What meanings are you giving the events of your life and what are you choosing to create? And what would you like to change? Are you allowing yourself to be vulnerable with those around you?

The key to transforming vulnerability into courage is learning how recognize it, feel it and ultimately make the choice to simply be there, with that horrible tangle of uncertainty and risk. When you know what you're feeling and why, you can slow down, breathe, pray, ask for support -- and make choices that reflect who you are and what you believe.


#getinspired

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Practice Gratitude


People with a strong sense of gratitude, love and appreciation don't necessarily have more than others; they aren't luckier or the luckiest. They simply recognize and see more beauty in their lives.  People who count their blessings are generally happier and healthier than people who don't. If you ever feel as if anything in your life isn't "enough" , try practicing an attitude of thankfulness.  Which means operating in a state of gratitude.


To begin bringing gratitude into your life, you can deliberately meditate on all the things in your own life that help you or make you smile.  You can also write a gratitude journal, posting pictures and writing about the things you feel grateful for each day. Gratitude can lead to feelings of love, appreciation, generosity, and compassion, which further open our hearts and help rewire our brains to fire in more positive ways.



When we learn to give thanks, we are learning to concentrate not on the bad things, but on the good things in our lives." Says Amy Vanderbilt. Thinking about the good things helps us to be grateful. Remaining grateful helps us to have a positive attitude prompts us to thank about the good rather than the bad. It's a positive cycle that helps fuel itself. If you operate out gratitude you will have no time to be angry. Gratitude is the cure.



Experiencing and expressing gratitude is an important part of any spiritual practice. It opens the heart and activates a new way of thinking.

List five things you are grateful for today.Show your gratitude. Who can you thank today, and how will you show your appreciation? When you feel least thankful, you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: perspective. If you're having a bad day, what is the smallest thing you can be grateful for? If you can think of nothing else, think of your breath.


"Thank you, always say thank you; it's the greatest gift you can give someone; because thank you is what you give to God." - Maya Angealou


      #Gratitude #thankyou #getinspired

When People Show You Who They Are, Believe Them

"When people show who they are, believe them" - Maya Angelou 

What's the purpose of complaing about that friend who only called when he or she needed something? We all one of these friends right? We help them when they need it, we attend the parties they plan, we stop over when they feel lonely, and listen to them when they need to vent. But what about when we need something?

Even with all of the life she's learned, not even Oprah is immune to having a bad relationship. Many years ago, she was talking to Maya Angelou about a one sided relationship where she was putting more of herself into the relationship than the other person. 

Maya Angelou response became one of Oprahs and myself favorite life lessons. The lesson? "When people show who they are, believe them".

It's a sad conclusion when you realize you're friends or in a relationship with someone who is more concerned about themselves than you. It doesn't mean they are doing this maliciously. Some people are just clueless. They want friends and want to be in relationships, but they don't realize they need to be a friend, too. 

Maya Angelou says "Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was." Oprah remembers that Maya Angelou also asked her, "My dear, why must you be shown 29 times before you can see who they really are? Why can't you get it the first time?"

Often when a person does not show you the exact problem or issue, you get little whispers, little messages, little problems- something is a little off. STOP! Pay attention. People know themselves much better than we do. So don't expect them to be something other than who they are.

How should you deal with this? Ask yourself the following questions. 

1. Who's in your life based purley on "Potential"? 

2. Where are you doing the same thing over and over expecting others to react or behave differently?

3. Are you getting negative feedback about someone in your life from several unconnected third parties?

4. Where can you free yourself from a bad relationship to leave space for a better one?

Pay attention to red flags and don't settle for someone you need to fix. As Iyanla says "If you see crazy coming, cross the street!"

So when people show you who they are believe them the first time! 

         #Getinspired #Lifeclass

Blog inspired by Oprahs Lifeclass lesson "When People Show You Who They Are Believe Them"


Monday, February 10, 2014

How to Bring Gratitude into Your Life


  "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has." - Epictetus 

To begin bringing gratitude into your life, you can deliberately meditate on all the things in your own life that help you or make you smile.  You can also write a gratitude journal, posting pictures and writing about the things you feel grateful for each day. Gratitude can lead to feelings of love, appreciation, generosity, and compassion, which further open our hearts and help rewire our brains to fire in more positive ways.

When we learn to give thanks, we are learning to concentrate not on the bad things, but on the good things in our lives." Says Amy Vanderbilt. Thinking about the good things helps us to be grateful. Remaining grateful helps us to have a positive attitude prompts us to thank about the good rather than the bad. It's a positive cycle that helps fuel itself. If you operate out gratitude you will have no time to be angry. Gratitude is the cure.

Experiencing and expressing gratitude is an important part of any spiritual practice. It opens the heart and activates a new way of thinking.

 "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concerate on what you don't have, you will never have enough." - Oprah 

List five things you are grateful for today.Show your gratitude. Who can you thank today, and how will you show your appreciation?When you feel least thankful, you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: perspective. If you're having a bad day, what is the smallest thing you can be grateful for? If you can think of nothing else, think of your breath.


       #gratitude #getinspired




Thursday, February 6, 2014

Growing Beyond Guilt and Shame

"We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and  affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.” 
 - BrenĂ© Brown


This past weekend I was having a conversation with some guys I had just met and the recurring theme was guilt and shame. And as one of the gentleman was speaking I could see how the guilt and shame was holding him hostage and preventing him from moving forward in life.  As the young man continued to share his story. I became to understand that he was comfortable with the story that he was telling himself and was not ready to face his reality.  


THE 3 REASONS WHY PEOPLE FEEL GUILTY

1. You knew better

2. You caused hurt, harm, or danger

3. You disappointed someone


What is guilt?

Guilt says there is something wrong with what I have done or with what I am doing. 


What is shame?

Shame says something is wrong with who I am. 



Here are some useful tips on how to grow beyond the guilt and shame. 



1. Own Your Story 
can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running. telling the truth pepople say the truth will set you free but first piss you off but I don't think that's true. I think first telling the truth will terrify you. We could be so scared of what we've been through or what's been done to us.You can't change it if you don't get real with yourself about what happened so go for it own your story.



 2. Find A Peer Group
one  powerful way to help heal is the surround yourself with a group of people have been through the same thing as you.it can be so powerful to know that you are not alone. This might be going to a 12-step group or finding a support group. Dont isolate. isolation can be very dangerous and won't help you heal. Get around people who can relate through empathy and love.  




3. Share Your Story
 I know this might sound crazy, scary, a little nuts but trust me sharing your story is so powerful. By sharing your story you take back your power. People won't judge you for what you've been through in fact you're more ikely to help ssomeone else overcome just simply by sharing your story. Its our faults our wounds, and our truth that connects us.


4. Help Someone Else - Be of Service
 Helping someone else is one of the fastest ways to grow out of the shame and guilt. I can tell you that in my own life I've had the privilege of coaching/counseling people. in each one of them has inspired me by their truth and how they show up. Get outside of yourself and help someone else. This is a game changer.


ASK YOURSELF THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONS AND ANSWER TRUTH FULLY

1. Why do you feel like you have done or are doing something wrong? Do you feel that there's truth to why you should feel guilty or asashamed?  you been telling yourself the same "guilty" story for a long time?

 

2. Is there a theme to the guilt/shame that you feel? (For example, maybe you feel like you're not a good daughter, mother, wife, friend.)

 

3. What would it take for you to stop feeling guilty Or asashamed? Are you looking for acceptance, for people to love you? What do you need to let go of (or say to someone or yourself) to move forward?

 

4. Do you feel guilty in most situations—as if you should always be somewhere else, doing more? Right now, choose to be in the present moment. How does it feel? And if you don't like that choice, why?

 

5. Is your guilt related to a bad decision you made? What did you do? How can you find a way to forgive yourself for what you did or failed to do?

 

6.Do you feel guilty about not sticking to a diet? Or avoiding the gym? How can shifting your outlook change the way you feel (say, choosing not to deprive yourself but instead eating healthfully)? Would that get rid of the guilt?

 

7.Are you always taking care of others because you feel guilty putting yourself first? In other words, are you a people pleaser? When was the last time you said yes but you really wanted to say no?

 

8.Next time you're in a similar situation, say no. How does it feel?

 

9.Take a step back from your feelings for a moment: Do you make others feel guilty? Whom will you stop treating in this way?





Guilt and shame are wasted emtitions and it is ungodly to. Take responsibility and start making conscious choices. Start by telling the TRUTH because you cannot heal a lie. Give yourself permission to be OKAY. Replace

 the guilt & shame with TRUTH and aaccepting responsibility by forgiving yourself and making amends.

 


            #Getinspired