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Monday, March 9, 2015

I Heard a Word

A few years ago I was diagnosed with serve depression and anxiety after I tried to commit suicide. Depression almost had me but I believe God still has me here for a purpose.
My grandparents always would say that life wouldn't be easy or a bed of roses. As I write I can here my grandfather saying that "Jesus came to give life and give life more abundantly". That I don't have time to attend the pity party here and to get ready for my reward in heaven where there are "many mansions".

Yesterday my grandparents celebrated 33 years of service as Pastor & Wife at our church. Even in the midst of such a happy occasion the storms of life were raging all around in my life.

 I have always had a hard time asking others for help or allow myself to vent to others. Sometimes I give so much of myself that I begin to neglect myself. People come to me for help all the time. That's my job. My purpose is to listen. Ego most times gets in the way in the form of pride by building walls to try protect myself from feeling less than. Disappointing loved ones.

The biggest lie we tell daily is "I'm ok". When someone asks "How are you doing? " automatically we respond with "I'm ok".

I'm so happy that I am now in a place where I can talk those who I love like my family and friends about what's really going on. Everything that I share in this blog has helped me over the years to survive and overcome. 

Yes the practice of gratitude helps with changing your perspective on life.

Yes Journaling is an awesome way to release.
Yes affirmations and the power of "I AM " totally work.
Yes I believe that prayer and mediation are the two most powerful tools inthe tool box but can be hard to practice when you're dealing with a mental illness.

My support system includes my grandparents. They show up! They listen! They encourage, never tear down. They tell the truth. And today after my anxiety attack I knew who to call. And they knew who to call. They called on GOD through Christ Jesus!

All of the things I write about and try to practice are my spiritual practices that connects me to the Devine. The ego (edging God out) interferes with my connection when I allow it to sneak in unconsciously. Today I was able to depend on my Support system. First I had to accept that I needed help. Second I had to surrender and allow myself to depend on someone other than myself for help. Third I took action by calling. Fourth I had to humble myself by asking GOD to to forgive, give me a clean heart and renew the right spirit. During our conversation I able to vent my frustrations and we had prayer. Not some long prayer either. A prayer of thanksgiving. Praise and worship is the ultimate expression of Gratitude. 

In the end they left me with words of encouragement not their words but the word of God. Spiritually reconnecting to the Devine when just a few hours earlier that seemed impossible. 

Thankfully,I have many different spiritual practices that keeps me connected to the Universe, to the Devine, to God, whatever you want to call it . In the words of Maya Angelo I'm connected back to "All".

Are you Spiritually disconnected? Or in the words of my grandfather are you "spiritually malnourished? Don't let ego mess up your connection to the devine. As always be honest with yourself and remember you can't get to courage without going through vulnerability. 

What are your spiritual practices? And are these practices working? The more practices the better. 

Here are some words my grandparents shared with me and now I want to pay it forward. 

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. And all your ways he will direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6 (my grannys favorite scripture)
Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:3
Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:38-39