What's the purpose of complaing about that friend who only called when he or she needed something? We all one of these friends right? We help them when they need it, we attend the parties they plan, we stop over when they feel lonely, and listen to them when they need to vent. But what about when we need something?
Even with all of the life she's learned, not even Oprah is immune to having a bad relationship. Many years ago, she was talking to Maya Angelou about a one sided relationship where she was putting more of herself into the relationship than the other person.
Maya Angelou response became one of Oprahs and myself favorite life lessons. The lesson? "When people show who they are, believe them".
It's a sad conclusion when you realize you're friends or in a relationship with someone who is more concerned about themselves than you. It doesn't mean they are doing this maliciously. Some people are just clueless. They want friends and want to be in relationships, but they don't realize they need to be a friend, too.
Maya Angelou says "Why are you blaming the other person? He showed you who he was." Oprah remembers that Maya Angelou also asked her, "My dear, why must you be shown 29 times before you can see who they really are? Why can't you get it the first time?"
Often when a person does not show you the exact problem or issue, you get little whispers, little messages, little problems- something is a little off. STOP! Pay attention. People know themselves much better than we do. So don't expect them to be something other than who they are.
How should you deal with this? Ask yourself the following questions.
1. Who's in your life based purley on "Potential"?
2. Where are you doing the same thing over and over expecting others to react or behave differently?
3. Are you getting negative feedback about someone in your life from several unconnected third parties?
4. Where can you free yourself from a bad relationship to leave space for a better one?
Pay attention to red flags and don't settle for someone you need to fix. As Iyanla says "If you see crazy coming, cross the street!"